i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
