We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You're like the curious george of whores
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
