the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
is that a dick in a sweater?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
