I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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