There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I think I won the penis lottery.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Be still, my beating vagina.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
