I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
