She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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