Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
