Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
