not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
