so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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