I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
