It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you win again, gameday.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
