It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize