he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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