How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
