hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
