i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
