dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
