dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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