I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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