i would punch a child for taco bell
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
