they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
