There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize