So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
