there were more penises there than on chat roulette
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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