You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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