Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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