There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
