butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
