ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
