but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
