Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
