He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Randomize
