only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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