im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
