Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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