Heybabeimwearingurpanties
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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