you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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