that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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