she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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