When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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