hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
