erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
