Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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