I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
