Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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