Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
