How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
