There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
