remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
