I think my vagina is haunted
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
