do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Randomize
