new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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