I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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