Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize