I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
