is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
