When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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