I wish I could punch you in the face.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
