worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
