I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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