So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
